Letter to a Father

A letter to a father written in the deepest loves,
Containing forgiveness, love, awe, yearning, and the need for wisdom;
Feeling the need for reassurance, the need for a whisper of love,
The need for compassion and the need for a Father.

Can you be here and there?
Can you really be who I think you are?

I need a Father, not a friend;
I need someone to cling to when times get rough,
I need someone to snuggle when I feel sad,
I need someone to talk to in times of horror and twisted friends.

You know I forgive you for leaving, for not looking back,
It was better this way, I’ll say this rather that not,
You know I love for still being here, for still remembering to ask
I don’t know whether it became better in the end,
Or whether the gap between us is forever irreparable.

I am awed at your strength to keep our bonds together,
Awed at the determination, willingness and patience,
You want us to remain together, to keep our bonds alive,
And it’s humbling to see you beg for a boon from life.

Help me through these twisted times, help me stand again,
Help me, guide me, let me find my strength again,
Don’t come back, but watch over me from afar,
Don’t drag yourself back into this twisted family, I beg you;
Take your one true chance of freedom and leave.

Signed one you once knew,
One you know still,
One you cannot forget,
Your daughter.